Capter 4

Chapter 4- My Father

A month before receiving Gohonzon, my dad decides to buy some cheap wood and build a butsudan (box to store the scroll) to store the Gohonzon. He built it from scratches; it took him a week and I remember it was beautiful and big! My father used to be very skillful and very good with handcrafting.

The day my father received the ‘family Gohonzon’, many members who knew my parents gathered at our home to attend the Gohonzon enshrining. My mother offered cakes, biscuits and juice for everyone. It was a truly special and wonderful ceremony! My parents looked so very happy!

At the end of the enshrining, a few senior members shared a few words of guidance for my parents including the meaning of the Gohonzon and the importance of practice and study. They also explained the meaning of the principle of ‘Mentor and Disciple’ relationship.

Every day my father diligently did Gongyo and Daimoku (chanting). He did more Gongyo than Daimoku.

My mother used to tell him, " Valmir, I think you should chant more". 

" I know", he answered. But he never did much of it. He kept saying he was lazy. 

He also never read much the Gosho (i.e. The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin. Gosho means collection of letters - that the Daishonin would write in reply to his Disciples as an enlightened encouragement). He only read it when he knew he had to speak at a meeting.

Although he chanted sporadically and as-and-when, he would still receive great benefits. I think, just as the Daishonin states ‘It is the heart that is most important’. In fact, he was still working at the well-established company (the job my mother had chanted for), which was the first job he managed to keep for that long.

He went to as many Buddhist meetings as he could, and a few months later he was appointed Men’s Division Leader for his local Buddhist group where he would support the men practising this Buddhism.

The Group meetings were hosted at our house and there were always many members and guests attending.

In 1994 my father participated in a Festival where Daisaku Ikeda was attending.  So, he met Sensei! 

Everything was going very well! My father was working, going to Buddhist meetings and doing his Human Revolution ( Buddhism term that means process of betterment and growth of our lives from within).

But one day my father had a quarrel with a leader from a local group in front of other members in a meeting. This leader had been practising for more years and my father did not accept the way he was speaking to him which was aggressive and arrogant and rude, especially in front of other members.

I cannot recall the exact reason for the argument but I do remember my father coming back home after the meeting that night and talking at length with my mother about it, and he seemed very angry.

After that episode my father stopped going to the meetings because he did not want to come across that leader.

My mother tried to encourage my father saying, ‘"Valmir, you need to study the Buddhist philosophy/teachings more at depth to understand why this is happening to you. You should not stop going to the activities just because of what happened. Your faith is going to weaken and flake if you do not attend the meetings".

But my father was too disappointed and upset and would not listen to her. 

I remember my mum saying to dad " You have to believe in the Buddhist principle of Cause and Effect, whereby every cause made by any one person will inevitably have an effect. This is valid for every human being, in this case the both of you. You need to keep making your own positive causes and keep practising for your happiness". 

But he never went back to the meetings.  

Some SGI leaders did home-visit my father many times to encourage him to get back into the activities/meetings and explained to him the principle of Human Revolution ( inner transformation) but my father could not accept that person as a leader any longer.

My father's daily practice also weakened more and more.

Months later my father lost his job; his negative Karma was stronger than him!

Although my father did not chant daily and didn’t attend the meetings, he contributed by helping making gifts and invitations for many Buddhist meetings/events and he did Sansho (i.e. repeat Nam- Myoho- rengue- Kyo three times in front of the Gohonzon) before leaving the house and upon arrival.
 

By the time he stopped practising I was already part of the group called Kotekitai (SGI music band for girls). I remember whenever I had rehearsals with the band, usually on the first Sunday of each month, my dad would paint some drawings and go to sell them the day before so he could buy biscuits and yogurt as a packed lunch for me (He was not working).

He also supported me when I decided to study music at Villa Lobos Music School to play better in the SGI band. The school was far from our house; the bus took about an hour and thirty minutes from the area we used to live to the city centre, where the school was, and the closest bus stop was about 30 minutes from our house. So my dad would take me to the bus stop on his bike to make sure I would not miss the bus.

As I said before my father was unemployed again. And because he could not find another job, he decided to stop looking for it and to be self employed instead, making and selling his own drawings.

As he did not work every day and he was also not participating in SGI activities he had a lot of sparetime. That’s when he started going out with friends drinking and using drugs again.

When my father drank and took drugs at the same time, he would change into a completely different person and aggressive towards other people; fortunately never towards me or my mother!

For instance, he once went to our friend's house after midnight and woke the whole family up screaming. He insulted and swore at them without reason. The next day he would not remember a thing!

He also argued with his own family. I remember my mother and I were embarrassed to go to my auntie’s house for Christmas because we were worried my dad would misbehave badly.  

His behaviour was changing everyday for the worse.

A few years later my father discovered a passion for cycling; he cycled everywhere. He stopped using public transports and travelled long distance with his bicycle. Sometimes he would come home injured because of road accidents.

When he went out with friends and got home at dawn, he would turn the radio on very loud and would be listening to it until morning. He would wake up the whole neighbourhood and we had neighbours on many occasions knocking at our door complaining and asking to turn it off. My father would refuse to do so and the neighbours would be mad at him and try to hit him. 

Around this time my mother had just started working as a nurse assistant in a hospital; she had to wake up very early for work every morning and would not be able to sleep properly because of my dad’s insane behaviour with the radio. 

My mother had arguments with him and would cry all night. I knew the reason why my mum was crying was out of anger and frustration as otherwise she would be punching him and she was definitely capable to do so because that had been her reaction to dad's behaviour in the past. 

She was definitely changing thanks to the Buddhist practice, and she was becoming stronger!

My mum never realised that I was observing her all the time and that she would become my greatest example for life.