Chapter 5

 

Chapter 5 - My Mother as an Example

 

 

Because I knew in my heart my mother was stronger, I asked her why she was crying. 

 

‘I am not crying! There is something in my eyes’. She answered. 

 

I think she did not want to worry me; she never shared with me her disappointments and grief caused by my father. However she did not realise that for most of their arguments I was present. 

 

My father's decision not to go to the SGI activities did not influence my mother's practice. She became more active and stronger in her faith, more than ever! She chanted for more than two hours a day and participated in as many activities as she could! 

 

The Buddhist meetings were usually held at two different members’ places; at Telles’ based in Paciencia town and at Flora’s based in Campo Grande town. When the meetings were in Campo Grande we had to go by bus because it was too far from our house. But when the meetings were in Paciencia we would walk. 

 

As my mother was the only person working full time (my father was self employed), she did not have enough money to travel to all of the activities so she regularly saved money for travel expenses for the meetings that were too far to walk to from our home (i.e. Campo Grande), and we would instead walk to the meetings that were closer (i.e. Paciencia).  

 

At that time we lived in an isolated area called Urucania, a poor area where the Government had invested on building council houses for people on low income. There the streets were not pavement (they were made of mud) and without streetlights. The only source of light at night for us, if we were to walk to a meeting, was the cars headlights so we could see the way.

 

The journey from our house to Paciencia took about an hour and a half each way – yes, that was closest to us! We would walk three hours to participate in the meetings!

Maybe to an adult alone it could have taken them less time to walk it, but with a little child like me it took longer.

 

When the weather was very hot or when it was raining, my mother would hitchhike; it could have been a police car or anyone with whom she felt we would be safe. When she felt uneasy or felt something was suspicious she just pretended to ask for information, but if she felt the driver was okay we would get in the car. Everything was already planned! 

 

I didn't like taking a lift. ‘Mummy I prefer to walk!’ I said. Although at that time to hitchhike was considered quite normal, I was afraid of someone doing something bad to us. 

 

She never listened because she was concerned about me; I was a little girl and she thought that the journey would be too hard for me to walk.  

 

If the meetings were in the evening, I would get very anxious and panicky because the road we had to walk was very dark and deserted, and when a car approached we could not see who was inside. It was truly frightening!

 

I remember one evening a car was behind us on the road and it looked as if it was following us. 

 

‘Mummy I am scared’, I said. 

 

‘You don't need to be scared! Nothing is going to happen to us!’ She said. And she chanted Nam- myoho- renge- kyo out loud until the car was gone and we were safe. 

 

I chanted too but not loud. 

 

On our return from the meetings we would always be in company of someone, either by foot or we would be offered a lift from Paulo, a men’s division member, who had a very old small green car.

 

This car had many problems; it was full of holes and it felt as if our feet were touching the ground, and they got wet when it was raining! Also it had no windscreen brushes so one would have to hang out of the door window to clean the windscreen with a cloth whilst driving so to see the road!!! The funniest part was when Paulo had to shout to other car drivers whenever he wanted to turn left or right, or when he wanted to overtake them, because his car had no light indicators! 

 

‘Excuse me? Sorry! I need to turn right!’ He would shout. 

 

We all laughed out loud! It was so funny!

 

The most exciting situation was when the rain was so strong to the point where Paulo could no longer see the street and everyone started chanting Nam- myoho- renge-kyo together. 

 

I have to admit it was an adventure! 

 

We all knew it would be very dangerous to be in such a car, but I think that nobody wanted to go back home by foot at night as we all were very tired and hungry. 

 

Years later Paulo was promoted at work and he bought a beautiful new car. That was obviously the result of his efforts to carry out Kosen-rufu. And he still continued to give a lift to everyone he found on his way to the SGI activities!

 

When we finally got home from the adventurous journey my mother always said," Let's do sansho ( Nam- myoho- rengue-Kyo three times) to give thanks for the day and for the fact that we got home safely ". I did! I really did! 

 

We were always very tired and hungry when we got home after the activities in the evening. However there was a feeling of satisfaction and wellbeing inside us.

 

My father was never at home when we arrived. He was probably somewhere with his bicycle. He often arrived late or did not come back home at all. Sometimes we did not see him for many days. 

 

There were always just my mother and me! We would have dinner and go to bed!

 

When my mother was appointed Women’s Division Leader for our local group where previously my dad had been men’s leader, she was given a list of women’s division members she would need to support in faith. Most of them were struggling with practising consistently (chanting, doing gongyo and/or going to the SGI activities). 

 

So my mother decided to home-visit each one of them! At that time, not everyone had the luxury of having a telephone at home or a mobile phone, so we would take the chance and go to their house unannounced hoping they would be in! 

 

There were times when some of the women were at home but they would ask someone to say they weren't. My mother never gave up and would go back to try and visit them again and again on the following days.

 

I remember that she once knew of a lady that was struggling with many problems and she decided to sit and wait for her in front of her house. The lady was in actual fact at home and felt sorry to see my mother outside waiting for such a long time, so she finally opened the door and let my mum in. They chanted and talked for a long time. From that day the lady resumed her daily practise including attending meetings and activities and she always welcomed my mother in her home and became very good friends in faith.

 

As there weren’t many women’s division members in our district (local group), she could visit the same person many times during the month. So, my mother created a good relationship with each woman she visited. 

 

Every time my mother had a home-visit to do, she chanted at home beforehand for the person's happiness and to have a great encounter, a great heart to heart bond with them. She also read the BSTC newspaper (Brazil Seikyo Terceira Civilizacao) in order to use Sensei's guidance and the Gosho by Nichiren Daishonin as a base for her home-visit. I don't remember my mother saying things that were not based on a Buddhist point of view. She did not go to any visit without daimoku and her newspaper! 

 

By reading Daisaku Ikeda’s guidance and the New Human Revolution book series, my mother gained a very strong connection with Ikeda and his heart i.e. his intention and work. She admired his efforts to carry out his mentor’s dream and vision by travelling to other countries to transmit this Buddhist philosophy. She came to realise and strongly feel that it would have been impossible for her to practise this Buddhism if it wasn't for Ikeda’s efforts to accomplish his mentor’s desire. At this time, she chose Daisaku Ikeda as her own Mentor.

 

‘Tatiana, he is the kind of person (example) you can follow for all your life!’ she would tell me. 

 

I did not understand it at that time but these words never left my mind. 

 

The home visits were a priority for my mother. This activity was her individual way to support the  SGI members. She was inspired by her mentor Daisaku Ikeda's guidance that ‘heart- to- heart dialogue’ changes life. My mother was proving his guidance that when people meet face to face they would share their sufferings. She agreed that people don't tend to share their more profound suffering in a larger meeting and that for her to have a great dialogue she would have to gain their trust.  

 

Although I did not like walking the long distances with my mother to the members’ house, I liked it so much when by the end of the home-visit people’s faces and behaviour changed; their unhappy faces would transform in a smile and they would have rosy cheeks!

 

My mother was always happier after a home-visit. I felt she had been encouraged too! 

 

The group meetings in which my mother and father were appointed as leaders, started to be held at our house. Our house was small with a small living room and a bedroom. We did not have a sofa and the floor was cemented. 

 

My mother put a carpet on the floor and handmade some cushions for people to sit on. And a member of the group brought some chairs to use in the meeting. 

 

Although we did not have money for all our expenses, my mother always used some money to bake something and offer it to the people who came to the meetings.  

 

There were not many people attending the meetings in the beginning but after my mother's determination to home-visit everyone our living room seemed to become smaller and smaller! 

 

I remember one meeting where a gentleman, Mr Freire, drove a van full of new guests. Some people had to attend the meeting from outside the window!!

 

Our group had to eventually split into two groups to make the meetings more comfortable and enjoyable for everyone and my mother was appointed the leader of the new group which had fewer members and most of them were struggling in their practice and not going to activities/meeting as much. So we started everything all over again!! Home visits!!

 

Then, through chanting and doing many activities my mother decided to go back to school and take a Course for Nurse Assistant.

 

I thought my mother was very brave to go back to school after more than ten years.  I was so proud of her! 

 

The Course took one year and after qualifying she got a job in a hospital. 

 

The good thing of my mother's new job was that our financial situation became much better. We would be able to afford transport to go to the meetings and I would have cheese and ham for breakfast!

 

The bad thing about my mother's new job was that sometimes she had to work 24hours-shifts and that would mean I would have to be at home by myself with my father. 

Capter 4

Chapter 4- My Father

A month before receiving Gohonzon, my dad decides to buy some cheap wood and build a butsudan (box to store the scroll) to store the Gohonzon. He built it from scratches; it took him a week and I remember it was beautiful and big! My father used to be very skillful and very good with handcrafting.

The day my father received the ‘family Gohonzon’, many members who knew my parents gathered at our home to attend the Gohonzon enshrining. My mother offered cakes, biscuits and juice for everyone. It was a truly special and wonderful ceremony! My parents looked so very happy!

At the end of the enshrining, a few senior members shared a few words of guidance for my parents including the meaning of the Gohonzon and the importance of practice and study. They also explained the meaning of the principle of ‘Mentor and Disciple’ relationship.

Every day my father diligently did Gongyo and Daimoku (chanting). He did more Gongyo than Daimoku.

My mother used to tell him, " Valmir, I think you should chant more". 

" I know", he answered. But he never did much of it. He kept saying he was lazy. 

He also never read much the Gosho (i.e. The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin. Gosho means collection of letters - that the Daishonin would write in reply to his Disciples as an enlightened encouragement). He only read it when he knew he had to speak at a meeting.

Although he chanted sporadically and as-and-when, he would still receive great benefits. I think, just as the Daishonin states ‘It is the heart that is most important’. In fact, he was still working at the well-established company (the job my mother had chanted for), which was the first job he managed to keep for that long.

He went to as many Buddhist meetings as he could, and a few months later he was appointed Men’s Division Leader for his local Buddhist group where he would support the men practising this Buddhism.

The Group meetings were hosted at our house and there were always many members and guests attending.

In 1994 my father participated in a Festival where Daisaku Ikeda was attending.  So, he met Sensei! 

Everything was going very well! My father was working, going to Buddhist meetings and doing his Human Revolution ( Buddhism term that means process of betterment and growth of our lives from within).

But one day my father had a quarrel with a leader from a local group in front of other members in a meeting. This leader had been practising for more years and my father did not accept the way he was speaking to him which was aggressive and arrogant and rude, especially in front of other members.

I cannot recall the exact reason for the argument but I do remember my father coming back home after the meeting that night and talking at length with my mother about it, and he seemed very angry.

After that episode my father stopped going to the meetings because he did not want to come across that leader.

My mother tried to encourage my father saying, ‘"Valmir, you need to study the Buddhist philosophy/teachings more at depth to understand why this is happening to you. You should not stop going to the activities just because of what happened. Your faith is going to weaken and flake if you do not attend the meetings".

But my father was too disappointed and upset and would not listen to her. 

I remember my mum saying to dad " You have to believe in the Buddhist principle of Cause and Effect, whereby every cause made by any one person will inevitably have an effect. This is valid for every human being, in this case the both of you. You need to keep making your own positive causes and keep practising for your happiness". 

But he never went back to the meetings.  

Some SGI leaders did home-visit my father many times to encourage him to get back into the activities/meetings and explained to him the principle of Human Revolution ( inner transformation) but my father could not accept that person as a leader any longer.

My father's daily practice also weakened more and more.

Months later my father lost his job; his negative Karma was stronger than him!

Although my father did not chant daily and didn’t attend the meetings, he contributed by helping making gifts and invitations for many Buddhist meetings/events and he did Sansho (i.e. repeat Nam- Myoho- rengue- Kyo three times in front of the Gohonzon) before leaving the house and upon arrival.
 

By the time he stopped practising I was already part of the group called Kotekitai (SGI music band for girls). I remember whenever I had rehearsals with the band, usually on the first Sunday of each month, my dad would paint some drawings and go to sell them the day before so he could buy biscuits and yogurt as a packed lunch for me (He was not working).

He also supported me when I decided to study music at Villa Lobos Music School to play better in the SGI band. The school was far from our house; the bus took about an hour and thirty minutes from the area we used to live to the city centre, where the school was, and the closest bus stop was about 30 minutes from our house. So my dad would take me to the bus stop on his bike to make sure I would not miss the bus.

As I said before my father was unemployed again. And because he could not find another job, he decided to stop looking for it and to be self employed instead, making and selling his own drawings.

As he did not work every day and he was also not participating in SGI activities he had a lot of sparetime. That’s when he started going out with friends drinking and using drugs again.

When my father drank and took drugs at the same time, he would change into a completely different person and aggressive towards other people; fortunately never towards me or my mother!

For instance, he once went to our friend's house after midnight and woke the whole family up screaming. He insulted and swore at them without reason. The next day he would not remember a thing!

He also argued with his own family. I remember my mother and I were embarrassed to go to my auntie’s house for Christmas because we were worried my dad would misbehave badly.  

His behaviour was changing everyday for the worse.

A few years later my father discovered a passion for cycling; he cycled everywhere. He stopped using public transports and travelled long distance with his bicycle. Sometimes he would come home injured because of road accidents.

When he went out with friends and got home at dawn, he would turn the radio on very loud and would be listening to it until morning. He would wake up the whole neighbourhood and we had neighbours on many occasions knocking at our door complaining and asking to turn it off. My father would refuse to do so and the neighbours would be mad at him and try to hit him. 

Around this time my mother had just started working as a nurse assistant in a hospital; she had to wake up very early for work every morning and would not be able to sleep properly because of my dad’s insane behaviour with the radio. 

My mother had arguments with him and would cry all night. I knew the reason why my mum was crying was out of anger and frustration as otherwise she would be punching him and she was definitely capable to do so because that had been her reaction to dad's behaviour in the past. 

She was definitely changing thanks to the Buddhist practice, and she was becoming stronger!

My mum never realised that I was observing her all the time and that she would become my greatest example for life. 

Chapter 3

Chapter 3- My mother' decision 

My mother was so happy she could not wait to tell my father what had happened when he got home.

My father had been out all day since early morning, trying to sell some of his paintings and going to shops asking for vacancies.

We didn’t know what time he would be back home nor we had a way to contact him!

I remember my mother being different while she was chanting and waiting for my father to come home; she looked very happy.

When he finally arrived home, my mother did not give him the chance to do anything but to listen to her news. She was that excited!

‘"Valmir, " she started telling him, " I met a lady today, Roberta, who lives near us and practises the same Buddhism as my friend Jorge! I was about to knock at her door when I heard the prayer!" 

My father did not have chance to say anything because my mother was unstoppable!

" I recognised the chanting she was saying. It was Nam - Myoho- rengue- kyo; the same chanting I did a while back". 

My father was still standing in the same place from when he walked in the door, listening! 

" She invited me in for a cup of coffee and we talked about the prayer and Buddhism", my mother said.  

My father was shocked at my mother's excitement. 

" I arrived home and chanted",  she said - " I am feeling so good now!" 

Once she had finished the story she looked at my father seriously and said, ‘I have decided to become a Buddhist, to participate in the SGI activities and to receive the Gohonzon’.

My father did not understand a word of what she was saying but accepted and respected her decision nevertheless. 

From that day onwards my mother chanted Nam - Myoho- rengue- kyo every morning and evening. She also met Roberta regularly to chant together and go to the SGI activities. 

I remember that one day my mother brought home a small book called The Lotus Sutra which was written in Japanese. At that time it was read five times in the mornings and three times in the evenings. 

If one knew how to read this book it would take them 20 minutes each morning and 15 minutes each evening. But as my mother was new to the practice it would take her 1 hour in the morning and 45 minutes in the evening, plus Daimoku (i.e. chanting) in addition to that!

I was 8 at the time and I started chanting Nam- myoho- rengue- kyo with my mother. I soon learned how to do the Gongyo ( the Lotus Sutra book) but it would take me a lot longer than if I was doing it with mum; one hour and thirty minutes in the morning and one hour in the evening. It was long but I liked doing that! I thought the prayer was fun! I felt well! 

The results from my mother’s practice were obvious after she started chanting again:

The first benefit was my mother's mood; she was cheerful, willing and complained a lot less.

The second benefit was the increase in sales of Yakut ( a kind of yogurt) that she sold. 

The third benefit was that she met a doctor who requested many investigations to find out what my mother really had and why the medicines were not working. And she got much better! 

And the last of those great benefits was that my father found a job in a supermarket as a designer.

With many benefits of the practice, a few months later in the same year, my parents decided to become SGI members and my father received a ‘family Gohonzon’ on 13 December 1981, to represent our family. When he had the Gohonzon in his hands he had to make a vow; the vow of protecting the Gohonzon with his whole life. To protect the Gohonzon meant to protect our own life!!! 

All people receiving the Gohonzon had to make a vow! 

The vow was: 

" I promise Nam- myoho-rengue- kyo

I promise Nam- myoho-rengue- kyo

I promise Nam- myoho-rengue- kyo ". 

I will never forget that moment! It was an unforgettable and special day in my life , although I was only 8 years old. 

I do not know why we had to say "  I promise Nam- myoho-rengue- kyo" three times. 

I also do not also know why my father could not fulfill that promise he made. 

But I can explain why my mother and I are still fulfilling our vow made on that day. 

Chapter 2

Chapter 2- The second opportunity

 The lady took a while to open the door. When she opened it she looked at my mother and said, "Morning! I do not want to buy Yakut today. I have some in my fridge. "

"That's ok! I have been here waiting for you since you were praying, because I would like to ask you about the prayer you were doing before, my mother said, ' I think it was the same prayer a friend of mine gave me long time ago." 

The lady showed surprise! Then, she smiled brightly and invited my mother to come in. 

 They sat in the sofa and she offered my mother a cup of coffee. 

HI

 'So, tell me about your friend and the chant you did', she asked my mother.

 My mother told her everything. She told her about her friend, the days she had chanted for my father to find a job , the benefit and the last day she chanted. 

 My mother also told her that her life now was not different from that time and that in fact it had become worse. 

 the lady listened to my mother carefully. 

 When my mother finished telling her the story the lady said, ' Yes they are exactly the same words you chanted and the same Buddhism your friend has practiced'. 

 ' I knew it!', my mother said enthusiastically. She was very excited! 

They talked for long time and the lady told my mother about her own experience of chanting and participating in SGI' s meetings. She also explained some Buddhist principles such as 'Cause and Effect', Transforming poison into medicine' and about the Gohonzon. 

 When the conversation was over they agreed to meet again and chant together.

Before my mother left the house the lady said, ' Can I ask you something?'

' Yes, please', said my mother. 

' Why did you stop chanting after you had the proof that Nam- myoho-rengue- Kyo worked?'

 ' I do not know', answered my mother. ' Maybe I did not believe that my daily chanting was the reason of finding the job and believed that what happened was quite a coincidence. My mother continued saying,' I confess that it was very hard to believe that a word could change my destiny.' 

 I understand, The lady said , I hope you can have more prayers answered and keep your practice forever this time. 

 My mother did not say anything and stared at the lady . Then she said good bye with a nice smile and left the house. 

 On her way to work to sell Yakut, my mother could not stop thinking about everything the lady had said to her. She was feeling very happy in meeting someone close to her house who chanted Nam-Myoho-rengue-Kyo and she was also excited to chant again .

 That was the second opportunity my mother was having to change her life! 

When my mother got home , after a long day of work going to door to door , she sat and chanted. 

I was 8 at the time and I thought it was a very strange prayer she was doing. 

 Later my mother told me that while she was chanting she felt a strong sense of joy and hope. She was determined to change our family's life.

 She could not wait for my father to get home! She was anxious to tell him what had happened that afternoon and what she had decided.